This woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you’re bad luck....."
Saturday, November 28, 2009
MAN LOGIC
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
Take No Chances
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Woman Logic
A long long time ago.....in paradise....
Adam was returning home late one night in paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN!"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm counting your ribs" she responded.
Adam was returning home late one night in paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN!"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm counting your ribs" she responded.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
MILITARY BUDGET CUTS
Revealing the New and Improved Jet fighter which comes with automatic firing weapon with highly advanced radar and targeting system
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Two New Elements Found !
Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there)
Physical Properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very Bitter if
not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Eats up VITAMIN M at alarming rate
***************
Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to create electricity.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with any WO any chance it can
get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there)
Physical Properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very Bitter if
not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Eats up VITAMIN M at alarming rate
***************
Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to create electricity.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with any WO any chance it can
get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
Beer presidents
After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
Ah Beng jokes
Ah Beng: 'I am proud, 'cos my son is in Medical College'.
Friend: 'Really, what is he studying?'
Ah Beng: 'No, he is not studying, they are studying him'.
Ah Beng: 'Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night'.
Doctor: 'Take this tablet, you will be ok'.
Ah Beng: 'Can I take tomorrow, tonight final game'.
Ah Beng: 'If I die, will you remarry?'
Wife: 'No, I will stay with my sister. If I die, will you remarry?'
Ah Beng: 'No, I will also stay with your sister'.
Ah Beng: 'People consider me a God'.
Wife: 'How do you know?'
Ah Beng: 'When I went to the Park today, everyone said,
Oh God, you have come again'.
Friend: 'Really, what is he studying?'
Ah Beng: 'No, he is not studying, they are studying him'.
Ah Beng: 'Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night'.
Doctor: 'Take this tablet, you will be ok'.
Ah Beng: 'Can I take tomorrow, tonight final game'.
Ah Beng: 'If I die, will you remarry?'
Wife: 'No, I will stay with my sister. If I die, will you remarry?'
Ah Beng: 'No, I will also stay with your sister'.
Ah Beng: 'People consider me a God'.
Wife: 'How do you know?'
Ah Beng: 'When I went to the Park today, everyone said,
Oh God, you have come again'.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
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