Shakespeare translated !

Shakespeare was a very wise man but you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy words.

Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into modern day English......It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.

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Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should masturbate more.

The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.

Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really.

Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your sister because your friend sure would.

Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.

Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try wearing five condoms at once.

I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.

Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.

They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.

That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always resort to oral sex.

O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.

The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup over your privates.

I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call...ever

Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Author of this blog has decided to abstain from sex

Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain.
Translation: http://www.wikihow.com/Wash-Your-Vagina

Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.

'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Quickies rock.

My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You never had any Hot Steaming love with sexy Twins and you probably Never Will.
Get over it.