Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened
with that dead donkey?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars
apiece and made a profit of $898.00.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’
Chuck now works for an investment bank....trying to sell YOU his products !!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
China latest home gimmick - Buy 1 house, Get 1 Balcony Free.
Buy 1 house, Get 1 Balcony Free.
'ROPE LADDER' and ' INSURANCE' not included
Speed learning chinese language
Here are some easy sentences to learn chinese in 5 minutes..Read Out Loud for maximum effect !
Friday, March 12, 2010
Latest news about Jack Neo scandal with Photograph !??
Just joking mr. jack neo...if you want me to take down the photo just contact me...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
How to detect fake orgasms !
Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not is something the majority of men would rather not question. This is in case they discovered that she has been faking it all along, and that they are not, in fact, the stud they thought women go wild for. Rather, they are a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized.
For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.
1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she's been looking at. If she says, "Dammit, I was reading that!" she was faking.
2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune to whatever is showing on her iPod Playlist, she can't be concentrating enough on the "job at hand," and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes those songs playing on her iPod.
3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, "Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby," she is faking it. If she says, "Don't stop!" she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop!" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement.
Remember these guidelines for future reference
For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.
1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she's been looking at. If she says, "Dammit, I was reading that!" she was faking.
2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune to whatever is showing on her iPod Playlist, she can't be concentrating enough on the "job at hand," and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes those songs playing on her iPod.
3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, "Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby," she is faking it. If she says, "Don't stop!" she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop!" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement.
Remember these guidelines for future reference
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Message to my readers
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To my Dear, Precious readers who dared to tick the 'boring' reaction.
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Hopefully you will like this special picture...just for you
To my Dear, Precious readers who dared to tick the 'boring' reaction.
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Hopefully you will like this special picture...just for you
Monday, March 8, 2010
Shakespeare translated !
Shakespeare was a very wise man but you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy words.
Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into modern day English......It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.
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Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should masturbate more.
The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.
Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really.
Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your sister because your friend sure would.
Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.
Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try wearing five condoms at once.
I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.
Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.
They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always resort to oral sex.
O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup over your privates.
I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call...ever
Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Author of this blog has decided to abstain from sex
Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain.
Translation: http://www.wikihow.com/Wash-Your-Vagina
Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.
'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Quickies rock.
My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You never had any Hot Steaming love with sexy Twins and you probably Never Will.
Get over it.
Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into modern day English......It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.
-
Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should masturbate more.
The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.
Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really.
Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your sister because your friend sure would.
Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.
Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try wearing five condoms at once.
I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.
Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.
They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always resort to oral sex.
O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup over your privates.
I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call...ever
Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Author of this blog has decided to abstain from sex
Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain.
Translation: http://www.wikihow.com/Wash-Your-Vagina
Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.
'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Quickies rock.
My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You never had any Hot Steaming love with sexy Twins and you probably Never Will.
Get over it.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Hippie scores with a Nun
Once apon a time (Approximately, 30 years ago) there was a Hippie who had just gotten stoned. He got on a bus and sat at the back where there was a Nun reading the bible. Being stoned, he asked, “Hey. wanna hook up and score?”
The Nun simply replied, No thank-you, My virginity is Sacred. Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him......
Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES jesus!
This gave him an idea....
He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, “Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score.” She was overjoyed and they had almighty sex there and then....
After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, “Hah! I’m really the Hippie!.”
The Nun simply replied, "And I’m really the Bus Driver."
.
.
The Nun simply replied, No thank-you, My virginity is Sacred. Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him......
Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES jesus!
This gave him an idea....
He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, “Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score.” She was overjoyed and they had almighty sex there and then....
After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, “Hah! I’m really the Hippie!.”
The Nun simply replied, "And I’m really the Bus Driver."
.
.
The 2 holy parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired."
They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”
That’s obscene! the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment. You know, he said, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.
“Thank you,” the woman responded, this may very well be the solution.
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
Immediately, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?”
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!”
Thursday, March 4, 2010
SAF propose new ways to save money for budget 2010
Old Bronco
New Bronco
according to a top official, the new bronco is smaller and thus, harder to kenna hit by the enemie
according to a top official, the new bronco is smaller and thus, harder to kenna hit by the enemie
Our RSAF, not to be outdone in parliament, unveils their new Low budget, Automatic-tracking weapon with self-reloading feature
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
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